I think about my husband a lot. When something funny happens, when I've had a rough day, if I need his advice - he is always the first person I think of. It struck me recently that when I think of Mike, or when I'm talking to others about him, I so often use superlative language: "He is the wisest", or "He is the kindest" or "most brilliant" person I know. Bias aside, my husband really did hang the moon.
We've only been together 18 years at this writing, but that's long enough for me to have seen Mike in different stages and situations; when things were going his way and when they weren't. The longer I know him the more I admire him. One of my very favorite quotes is, Your Character is Who You Are When No One is Looking. This man has Character with a capital C. He's what I like to call "quietly extraordinary." His knowledge of history, science, literature and even pop culture is deep and wide, and matched only by the humility with which he carries it. And his heart is as big as his mind. I have yet to see Mike exhibit selfishness or pride, or to put himself above others either in word or in deed.
My wise, wonderful mother once told me, "You should never marry a man until you can name three things you don't like about him." Mom was married for nearly 60 years to the love of her life so she knew what she was talking about. I thought that was such sage advice: Make sure you know this person inside and out and are ready to love him forever, ignoble attributes and all. On my wedding day I told Mom that I hadn't been able to find three things I disliked about Mike. All these years later I'm still stumped.
Lest you think I'm either hopelessly deluded or am not in fact married to a mortal being, there are things about Mike that do challenge me. He is a very, very masculine man. He's the quintessential "take charge" guy. I am - let's just say - no shrinking violet. I'm equally as passionate about My Way as he is about his. Cooking together rarely ends well since neither of us will relinquish the title of Head Chef! Mike has strong opinions about everything. He knows what he believes and why, and unless "the data" tell him otherwise he won't be shaken. However, even in his stubbornness he is thoughtful and kind and never, ever demeans or insults when others disagree.
I can be sure - every time - that Mike's positions stem from goodness and honesty and never from pride or emotional immaturity. And he always has my best interests at heart. He looks out for me, he has my back, he is my constant advocate and true friend. It's very common for people today to paint the uber-masculine man as a bully; someone who uses his machismo to lord over women. We think we must "cut them down" in order to be equal. The truth is, when all that machismo is inside of a good man and it's directed at elevating the woman he loves, it makes an already strong woman all but invincible. I'll take that all day long over a man who will simply bend to my will.
When we were dating I asked Mike what he needed in a woman. He thought for a minute and said, "I need someone who can stand toe to toe with me and be my equal" (I enjoy reminding him of this often!) We take "equal" to mean "the same" these days, but it's our differences which enable us to fit together into a perfectly choreographed whole that is so much more than either of us could possibly be alone. Isn't that, after all, what marriage is all about?
Someday I hope to be the kind of person who is worthy of a partner like Mike. Until then, he remains my hero, my desert island person who could find food, build shelter, craft a raft out of reed scraps, use his knowledge of military strategy to defend us from the natives and devise an ingenious radio signaling device to call for help. All with quiet humility.
I'll concede, there's a possibility that Mike didn't actually hang the moon. But I bet he could figure out how if he needed to.
Related: Girl Power!