Ode to the Patriarchy

In the spirit of amplifying Unconventional Wisdom, I’d like to challenge the current narrative that overwhelmingly lauds the feminine and vilifies the masculine. The fact that "Toxic Masculinity" is part of our vernacular in the West speaks volumes about women's attitudes about men. In recent decades women have been given sobering levels of power, but seem to lack the wisdom to understand where it came from, and that it comes with equally sobering levels of responsibility.

Ironically, the only reason American women can prosper and enjoy our independence is that MEN built a civilization in which Betas like us can thrive. In a world where survival depends on the ability to build shelter, hunt for food and defend against armies – women are acutely aware of the value of their men. But from the safety of modern life in America we can afford to insult and belittle the men who afforded us the very right to do so.

Despite conventional wisdom, Judeo-Christian men have never treated women with the degree of contempt women level at them today. I recently saw The King and I at a local theatre and was struck at the true story of a lovely young widow traveling across the world with her young son in the 1800’s. During the long voyage she shared the ship with an all-male captain and crew, and yet she was perfectly safe. Not only did British leadership tap her for this most important diplomatic mission (it seems men did respect women back then after all), but she was treated with utter deference by the crew. Did she think herself somehow "unequal" because she relied upon them for food, shelter and protection along the way? On the contrary, I suspect she was secure in the knowledge that she was there because of her intelligence, diplomacy and skill. Appreciating the men who endured the punishing demands of the voyage to deliver her safely to her destination in no way diminished her own power and worth. 

One more note: it’s very easy to confuse a cultural shift with misogyny. Of course men looked askance at women participating in business and politics, because it was a new idea. But that is not the same as a nefarious desire to hold us back, or an institutional lack of respect for women. If it were, life in the west would look very different for women than it does today. The inconvenient truth is that women are where they are today because the patriarchy of yesteryear allowed it. Modern women love to rail on about the overbearing, domineering, disrespectful patriarchy - while completely missing the irony that if their claims were true, they'd never be allowed to complain about it!

Instead of honoring the men who honor us in so many ways, and appreciating their extraordinary strength, loyalty and fortitude, like petulant teenagers our pride and arrogance fool us into thinking we no longer need them at all. Worse, that men are ignorant, bullying creatures who must sit down and be quiet, and let women rule. In this humble writer’s opinion, we are profoundly poorer for it.

The Christian and The Straw Man

Someone engaged me in a dialogue this week that I thought was worth sharing. This person is a thoughtful, kind woman who was talking about how we as Christians are in constant battle against our own "dark urges", which range from simple every-day things like jealousy or laziness, to more insidious urges like gambling or adultery. In fact, it was her point that everyone has them, and that being a Christian meant a lifetime of daily battle with those "less holy" aspects of our natures.

She was pondering the question of "Is homosexuality wrong?" She clearly had no bias against gay people and in fact ended her thoughts with, “In the Bible, it's wrong ... however I know so many nice, good people who are gay."

It was the “however” that rang my logic-alarm.

Of course there are many nice, “good” people who are gay. There are also horrible people who are gay. Their sexual orientation has nothing whatsoever to do with how good or nice they are! To say, “I know many perfectly wonderful people who are gay" is nice to know, but utterly irrelevant. That gay people are awful human beings was never the claim! It’s a classic straw man fallacy. One may as well say, “I know plenty of gay people who wear a size 8 shoe.”

So what is the “real” question, and how does the thoughtful Christian answer it? The real question is: "Is homosexuality one of many dark human urges that Christianity insists we battle, or is it simply one of many human traits – like hair color or height – that have no inherent moral value?"

The honest answer of a secularist might be, “Homosexuality is not a dark urge. It is just the way some people were born. We don't blame people for being tall or short or fat or thin, why should we hold someone accountable for being gay?"

I might then agree or disagree with that person, but at least they would be responding intelligently to the argument at hand, rather than knocking over a cheap straw man.

Another common misnomer is that because something is “natural”, or because you’re “born that way”, it is inherently good. There are many things we’re born with that we are called upon to battle every day in the name of decency. It could be an aggressive nature. Or crippling shyness. Or a speech impediment. Or a propensity toward alcoholism. We are certainly not encouraged to celebrate these things just because we were born that way!  Whether homosexuality falls into this category we honestly don't know, but it's not valid to assume that because a trait is natural it is to be celebrated.

It's very likely that the Christian and the Secularist will never come together on this particular issue. But my hope is that as we continue to discuss and debate these difficult issues we do so with deference and respect.

Sadly many people prefer the straw man because it enables them to engage in ad hominem attacks; “Christians are intolerant”, or “You just hate gay people”, or "You're a bigot" - like a petulant child the offender shouts out insults, shuts down the discussion and walks away fraudulently claiming victory.

I guess in the end we all just have to demonstrate the courage of our convictions while maintaining respect for peacefully opposing viewpoints. It is, after all,  the Christian thing to do.